3 days. 3 days? 3 fucking days. Paris lasted 3 days in prison. That's pathetic. You just have to love our justice system. Reason: an unspecified medical condition. Bull-fucking-shit. Gee Paris, were your herpes getting out of control? Did you freak out because you weren't allowed make-up to cover up your hideous oozing cold sores? Or was it one of your other venereal diseases? This is just another example of the rich and famous getting their way with the law. How many guards did you blow to swing this deal? Why can't somebody in the law profession stand up and put a stop to this madness? I hope that the lawyers that have clients in that prison with similar offenses swamp that county's courthouse with appeals.
Judge: What's the basis for your appeal?
Lawyer: Well, Paris Hilton was shown leniency, and she's a giant sack of shit. The only thing she offers the human race is her ability to suck a lot of cock. She can't sing or act, so it's not like she can entertain us. She is semi-retarded, so she isn't going to advance us medically or technologically. She's basically a waste of space.
Great. Now I'm super psyched for all of the interviews that will clog the airwaves. Just what this world needs is the utter banality of Mark McGrath interviewing Paris on her trying experience in prison.
She really needs to be punched so fuckin' hard. And I think I know how we can make this happen. We just keep feeding Lindsay Lohan mind-bending drugs (it's not like she won't take them willingly). Then we train her to be our celebrity attack dog who we unleash on the deserving. That could work. That plan works twofold. 1. People who deserve a beating get one. And 2. These fucking hacks can finally entertain us gladiator style. Sweet.