Don't Lick That

3 days.  3 days?  3 fucking days.  Paris lasted 3 days in prison.  That's pathetic.  You just have to love our justice system.  Reason: an unspecified medical condition.  Bull-fucking-shit.  Gee Paris, were your herpes getting out of control?  Did you freak out because you weren't allowed make-up to cover up your hideous oozing cold sores?  Or was it one of your other venereal diseases?   This is just another example of the rich and famous getting their way with the law.  How many guards did you blow to swing this deal?  Why can't somebody in the law profession stand up and put a stop to this madness?  I hope that the lawyers that have clients in that prison with similar offenses swamp that county's courthouse with appeals. 

Judge: What's the basis for your appeal?

Lawyer:  Well, Paris Hilton was shown leniency, and she's a giant sack of shit.  The only thing she offers the human race is her ability to suck a lot of cock.  She can't sing or act, so it's not like she can entertain us.  She is semi-retarded, so she isn't going to advance us medically or technologically.  She's basically a waste of space.

Great.  Now I'm super psyched for all of the interviews that will clog the airwaves.  Just what this world needs is the utter banality of Mark McGrath interviewing Paris on her trying experience in prison.

She really needs to be punched so fuckin' hard.  And I think I know how we can make this happen.  We just keep feeding Lindsay Lohan mind-bending drugs (it's not like she won't take them willingly).  Then we train her to be our celebrity attack dog who we unleash on the deserving.  That could work.  That plan works twofold.  1.  People who deserve a beating get one. And 2.  These fucking hacks can finally entertain us gladiator style.  Sweet.

Wow.  The Amish can really smoke it if you give them power tools.  Maybe we should have the Amish do the road construction around here.  They are probably like, "Why are churning butter when we could be making some mad bank working for the city?"

I so want the beltline construction to be over.  I fear this project wil last all summer.  All of the closed exits, detours, and delays.  And all of the other lame-ass jizz mopping drivers who don't know how to drive in construction situations.  I'm going to rent a monster truck and start running these cock gobblers off of the road.  

On a better note, the ink pen set Jen got me for fathers day so I can start inking.

If you went on vacation to New York, why in Crom's name would you wake up at the crack of dawn to go hang out at the Today Show.  I see these morons standing outside, sometimes in rain and snow, just for a chance for Al Roker to notice your shitty sharpie made sign.  And that Al Roker is such a fucking loser.  You are not funny.  Here's a bit of advice...volume and repetition do not equal funnier.  Instead of getting your stomach stapled you should have gotten your mouth stapled.  Now that's funny.

Tornado slides were so bitchin' when you were a kid.  They were like a slide from the future.

If you are driving, and you know that construction is coming up, get into the proper lane.  Don't race in the lane that is eventually going to close.  If your late for something, your still going to be late.  You are not going to make up any time.  You are just going to piss off someone like me.  And I drive a shitty enough vehicle that if we rub bumpers, I won't give a shit.  In fact if you get out of your vehicle and want to exchange information, I'm more likely to cut your throat on the spot and collect your blood in a silver chalice and chug it in front of your horrified family.  

If you were a contestant on survivor, could you kill everybody in their sleep, technically making you the only "survivor", and still win the money?

Two guitars are better than one.

Make up your own drinks.  Captain Morgan and Dr. Pepper-it's called a Dr. Thunder.  Captain Morgan and Root Beer-that's called The Eyepatch.  You can use Scotch or Irish whiskey.  Then your drinks are called Dirty Thunder or The Dirty Eyepatch.  Try these.  You will enjoy.

Sqeaky floorboards are so amplified when you have a kid.  There's a spot right before Deacon's room that I never noticed before, but now when I finally got him rocked asleep and I step in that spot transporting him to his crib, I just have to cringe as he stirs in my arms.  I just think think to myself, "you stupid fuck.  You know that spot is off limits.  Remember your ninja training and become the wall."

I predict that the Senators take the Stanley Cup in six games.

Don't post to your live journal after drinking.  Drinking after work.  Which you worked your sixth day, bringing your overtime to fourteen hours.  Sure the check will be nice, but my body is broken.

I raise my glass to you all.  Good Night.

Yesterday was my first day back to work after vacation.  It sucked balls through mesh underwear.  A normal 8 hour day turned into 12.  Woo Hoo.  That single day of work made it feel as if I never even went on vacation.  Plus I have to work on Friday, my normal day off, because of the upcoming holiday.  Memorial day weekend is one of our biggest chip holidays, so you better enjoy your fucking Doritos because they're making it to the stores with my sweat and blood.  It's sad that I refer to holidays by the size of chip volume.  

The vacation was good though.  We didn't get everything done that we wanted to, but many things did get crossed off of the list.  I didn't get caught up on my sketches though.  Don't worry Josh, I have prioritized the Cap cover to the top of the list.   

Alice Cooper....I fucking hate you. You worthless no-talent wrinkly sack of shit, it is time for you to fade away.  At seven o'clock on weekdays your pointless radio show comes on and forces me to change the channel.  Unfortunately I really have no where to turn since the other station I listen to at work has also recently picked up a syndicated radio show.  Lou Brutus, you my friend rock about as hard as two ninety year olds having sex.  But I digress back to Anus Cooper.  You have the same amount of talent as Paris Hilton.  You play obscure songs that nobody cared about then, and nobody cares about now.  You are not revealing some long lost gem.  Quit playing these no hit wonders.  Your songs all suck ass.  Your stupid as fuck gimmicky shit has definitely not stood the test of time.  The intro to your show is quite possibly the lamest thing the world has ever known.  Why are you trying so hard to pass yourself off as this supremely evil being?  You are about as evil as a can of creamed corn.  You are a goddamned cartoon character.  You look like a scarecrow put together by retarded children.  And the name dropping.  Good god you arrogant prick, have you no shame,  You're such a lying little cunt.  At least you should try to make your shit believable.  When famous people have the extreme misfortune of being in the same room as you, this is what they are whispering to each other, "Aren't we rich enough that we could just have him killed and thrown in a dumpster.  I mean seriously, who's going to miss him."  Then Jesus (who you happened to share bunt cake recipes with) and Gandhi (who taught you those sweet yo-yo tricks) turn to them and in unison say, "Oh, I think we could pull some strings."  Laughter ensues.

You have worn out your welcome.  Please fuck off now.

Has anyone totally gone through the little myspace ad-games to win a PS3 or laptop.  You know the ones.  Be the first to choke your chicken and win a blah-de-blah.  I just want to know if anybody has finished the 'check the ones you are interested in' portion of the survey before getting totally pissed and giving your monitor the finger.  I usually make it to the choose two silver deals page.  Yes, the page where you have to choose two things you have to pay for.  Like Colombia House or BGM.  Or the 'learn to make shoes for your cat at home' kit.  Or you can subscribe to super lame ass magazines.  Amish Living.  Things That Hurt.  Pan Flute Monthly.  Punched Faces.  Congressional Hearing Bloopers.  Cooking Gone Wrong.  None of the offers are enticing enough to warrant me finishing the damn thing.  So I just want to know if anyone has actually finished the thing in the required 4 hours it takes to do it, and claimed their prize?  If so, are you now in $628 worth of magazine debt?  If you did make it all the way through you will not be able to play your new PS3 because you have carpal tunnel now.

Good lord am I getting worked up over commercials these days.  It's that new Pizza Hut one where the dad goes out and gets food for everyone from a different place.  And after he's done passing out the vittles, the whole family starts pissing and moaning.  Even his wife gives him the dumbass look.  So then the poor sap orders up some Pizza Hut and everything is all better in the land of make believe.  Here's what should of happened after they started bitching about their food.  He should of gathered up all of the food he just bought and had everyone sit down at the kitchen table.  He then should have said, "No one can leave the table unless I tell you to do so."  Next he should have proceeded to shovel all of the food into his face.  Even stopping to vomit if he needed to make more room.  Then when he was finished he just goes, "There's half a pack of bologna in the fridge you ungrateful shits.  Then he goes up to his bedroom, locks the door, and watches 5 straight hours of porn.

O.K. Subway.  Enough.  We get it.  Your magical sandwiches turned a fat dorky loser into a thinner dorky loser.  You can quit with the Jared commercials.  I would like to punch that bastard in the eye and then feed him a shit sandwich.  "How do you like that Jared?  I bet you loved it because A) I think you're that type of guy, and B) It had less grams of fat than your beloved Subway."  This last batch of commercials really pisses me off.  I will not be scolded by this stupid dicksmack.  He stands up there with this smug look on his face, admonishing us for choosing a BK Stacker over Subway.  Umm yeah...of course I'm going to choose the BK, because the sandwiches you show in the commercials are unrecognizable to what you actually get at the restaurant.  You have Jared perched up in front of subs totally laden with meat.  About 4 times the meat than on your actual subs.  Shit, the last couple of times I've been in a Subway, I was lucky to get edible food thanks to the crackheads serving me.  Seriously, every time you walk into a Subway, everyone is in the back room.  I believe they are smoking a joint the size of a rolling pin because I have to repeat my order 73 times.  They just stare at me with their sad little bloodshot eyes praying that I am actually a robber who will gun them down in a Tarantino frenzy just to get the $23.19 out of the register.  So to sum up.  Subway: stop using Jared in your commercials, or I will stop Jared permanantly.  Jared:  use some of that hard earned money to buy yourself a personality.  You are as exciting as golf on T.V.  Maybe you should get a facelift too.  I mean, I don't know if it's your shitty attitude or you are just ugly, but you have a very slappable face.

Thank god, and when I say god I mean for you to insert the deity of your choosing, that winter is coming.  I am thankful for one major reason.  Bicyclists are off the road.  I have nothing against bike riding in general.  I myself find no greater enjoyment in popping a wheelie on the old Huffy every once in awhile.  Whoa, "popping a wheelie on the old Huffy" sounds like a great double entendre.  Anyways, I live in Madison which is an extremely bike friendly city.  Not only do we have miles upon miles of bike paths, but we also have many bike traffic lanes.  That's cool.  Now here's my issue.  All of the assholes that think they are in the Tour de France.  You wear the butt-padded biker shorts.  You spend whole paychecks on those tight lycra bike jersey thingies.  You get a loan and buy a Cannondale bike.  Hey, terrific, enjoy your new hobby.  Now here's a little advice.  STAY IN THE FUCKING BIKE LANE.  I have no problem sharing the road with cyclists, but you are out of your goddamn mind if you think that I'm going to swerve into oncoming traffic to avoid you.  You get a lane that's at least 6 feet wide.  Why do you insist on hugging the white line?  Are you, as they say, "In the Zone"?  Do you believe you will peddle fast enough to create a vortex that opens up to the Cyclists Elysium Field?  No.  You are only the guy who works at Kinkos making copies of flyers for crappy local pre-teen pop punk bands, who happens to ride a bike on the weekends.

Here's another bit of advice.  When traveling in packs, spread out.  You are making it way too easy for road ragers to take out 5 of you at a time with one jerk of the wheel.  So unless one of you wants to go to the hospital to have a side view mirror removed from your ass, single fucking file please.  For all you cyclists out there crying about "It's the law, you have to share the road",  yes we know.  But what you need to realise you dumb fucks is that my vehicle outweighs yours by a ton.  If our paths one day end up crossing in a somewhat violent fashion, you'll end up pissed because you are dead.  I'll end up pissed because I spilt Mountain Dew in my crotch.

My wife and I now have the responsibility of naming a human being.  Early in the pregnancy, this wasn't such a big deal, but now that we are on the eve of birth, this task is a little more daunting than it once was.  We don't do the lineage thing.  I personally don't agree with naming a child after yourself.  Not only is it lame and unimaginative.  It is also a bit selfish.  Plus you have to deal with that whole identification crisis.  Do you call him just junior?  Do you call him Zac Jr?  Lil' Zac?  If the latter, does that automatically make me Big Zac?  I'm not down with that. 

Another thing I take into consideration is the nickname factor.  Like, does it rhyme with turd, poop, pee, jizz, or butt?  I'm being totally serious here.  Not  only are children cruel, they also have a simplistic creativity.  I am somewhat wicked and cruel myself, and a bit childish, so I was able to veto many names as soon as they were uttered.  

Unfortunately, our list was still quite long.  We both had names that were sitting on the fence, so we both took turns pushing them off and then kicking them down a hill.

 Then we eliminated names by going, "I once knew a so-and-so, and I absolutely hated that fucker so that name is out."  It works in reverse as well.  If you know someone with a cool name, unfortunately that name is off the table as well.  For one reason only.  They might view it as a tribute.  That shit right there is creepy.

We could go the Hollywood route and name him after bizarre inanimate objects.  Dartboard Action-figure MacRostie.  Candlestick Blender MacRostie.  Am/Fm Vacuum MacRostie.  If you go that route you better be Hollywood rich, because you will need to get your kid a bodyguard. If not, they will get the shit kicked out of them on a daily basis.

I just don't want to shackle this kid to a dork-ass name.  The ones we have narrowed it down to I really like.  We will find out his name in approximately 48 hours.  I will let all of you myspace brethren know in a bulletin.

On a side note but along the same subject.  Families that have names that all start with the same letter, that is as fucking creepy as it gets.  If you are a couple who were lucky enough to find someone who wanted to procreate with you and your names coincidentally start with the same letter, do not burden your kids with that creepy legacy of continuing on with the same letter.  Seriously, EEEEWwwwwww.  That shit ain't right.

If you are driving and talking on your cell, you are officially a piece of shit.  I don't give a flying fuck if you're the Pope and your cell phone is a direct link to god.  You find somewhere to pull over so you can talk about whatever is so goddamn important.  I see you oblivious assholes on my way to work every day.  You know the ones, the people almost causing accidents.  Seriously, what the fuck are you talking about?  And this is not narrowed down to one demographic.  Old, young, ugly, fat, stupid, all colors of the rainbow, rich, poor.  The only thing these people have in common is that they are rude-ass cum guzzling son-of-a-fucks.  What did you retards do before the advent of cell phones?  Car accidents are not fun.  A lot of people die or end up permantly crippled because of them.  Tell you what.  If you are driving and talking on your phone and you hit me, pray to all that is holy that I am either dead or paralyzed.  Because if I am not, I will beat you fucking retarded.  Actually, I will beat you with your cell phone.  People will pull over and applaud.  They will cheer me on.  And just when you think you've had enough, a little five-year-old kid will run up and kick you in the shin.  Icing on the cake, baby.  So don't let this happen to you.  Just pull over, and call someone, so you can talk about what a loser you are.

Yes Hollywood, I am talking to you.  Come crash my car.  My car is a piece of shit.  My car is almost two decades old.  It has not been a kind two decades.  It is not a car that you put collector plates on.  All I am asking in return is that you trade me a vehicle that you were going to crash and desroy with my vehicle.  Nice, simple, cut and dry.  I don't need to be in the movie.  I do not need a credit.  I would just like a reliable vehicle.  It doesn't need to be a fancy expensive car either.  In fact, I am not a fan of cars.  I pretty much detest them.  They are a pain in the ass.  Expensive to maintain.  Expensive to fuel thanks to President HeeHaw.  Unfortunately, they are a necessity.  I have a child on the way, so I would prefer a mini-van or station wagon type vehicle.  But again I am not picky, any trade would be a good one.  So you are probably asking yourselves, "What would be the benefit to us?"  Number one: What a  heartwarming story it would make.  It's like a free nugget of P.R. gold.  Number two:  My car is old shitty and rusty.  It would look awesome in any type of collision.  It will probably fly apart with very minimal contact.  In fact, you could use it in a chase scene with a Hoveround, (you know, the motorized wheelchair from the commercials) and the Hoveround would probably win out.  Plus the Hoveround is probably worth more than my car.  Come on Hollywood, you know you are going to be smashing up some cars pretty soon.  I know this to be true because I've been to the video store lately and noticed that Segal and Van Damme are still making direct to dvd movies.   In fact,  I'm pretty sure a karate chop might stop my car.  That would be cool.  There you go Hollywood, a free idea right there.  You know Van Damme has done cornier things in his movies so it's not so farfetched.  So what do ya say, Hollywood.  My car for yours.  Mine is a 1987 olds calais.  Light blue with rust, dents, missing hubcaps.  Oh and somehow it leaks when it rains.  I have not found the source.  The radio doesn't work because the antenna is missing, but if you can get the tape unstuck out of the tapedeck you might be able to get some tunage.  There is a bald spare tired in the trunk.  See, this car is begging to be smashed up.  I just need a replacement so I can get to work.  That's why this deal would be good for both of us.  Thank you for your time.

Generock.  Not super clever, but so very apt in this case.  In your listening area there is most likely a hard rock/heavy metal radio station.  (I know, I know, how can you expect anything but shit from radio?)  But in my case it's the radio our nothing.  I work in a warehouse and believe me even 8 hours of country music is preferable to nothing.  Sure, your I.Q. is 30 points lower and you drool a little more, but you have to take what you can get.  Anyway, my local station pitted Nickelback against 6 day champs Lamb of God.  Nickelback won.  Bullshit.  They are not a good band, and the song  was subpar even for their standards.  The part that pisses me off the most is that this is a call in and vote show.  So this is really more of an indictment of the shittyness of the overall publics taste in music than anything else.  Here's an example.  Maria Carey's comeback.  Here's somebody who ,thank all that is holy, faded from the public eye after making a bad movie and ended up going batshit.  Instead of remaining in a padded cell, she puts out an album that the critics adore.  It wins awards.  It's sounds exactly like all the other mediocre shit she has put out previously.  But the public let her back into the spotlight.  Fuckin' shame on you.  I've had people argue with me, "But Zac no one sings like her, they don't have her range."  First off, that talks to dolphin shit sounds like crap.  Sure it's my opinion, but let's be honest people.  Second, talented people putting out shitty work is ten times worse than a no-talent hack putting out some piece of crap.  This second rule applies to all facets of life.  Man, has this blog gotten away from me.  Back to bands like Nickelback, or Three doors down, or Buckcherry, or Godsmack.  You know what bands I'm talking about.  Generock.  They are Hot Topic, mall metal.  They want to wave the flag of heaviness, but desparately need to be on the radio.  I realise radio play equals big bucks, but once you sacrifice musical integrity you lose respect.  The only reason I care is that while not exactly forced to listen to this shit, I kind of am, since the only alternative is eight to ten hours of silence.  Seriously, eight to ten hours of silence in 95 plus degrees, that's a recipe for a homicidal rampage of biblical proportions.  So keep your ears peeled for new innovative music in whatever genre you enjoy, and push these corporate rock sluts off of the airwaves.

Iron Man can kiss my ass right in the crack.  "Oh great, you are thinking to yourselves, Dorkface is going to talk about comics again."  Yes I am.  I promote comic books because pound for pound, that's where the best writing is taking place.  Fuck movies and tv and a lot of recent books.  Comics is where it is at.  Marvel's Civil War is going to tear a new asshole through their universe.  Iron Man is such a douchebag that you can not wait for him to get  bitchslapped.  The reprecussions are already being felt.  With all costumes having to pick sides, our perceptions of characters are changing.  Most you could see coming.  Some you can't.  But what's happening in Civil War is really felt in the core titles and we are only about halfway through.  I didn't feel this with DC's Infinite Crisis.  Shit most of this one year later stuff is boring.  It doesn't feel like one year later.  It just feels like a new story arc.  Infinite Crisis didn't make me go out and buy other DC titles.  With Civil War I am buying way more Marvel titles than I used to, just because I want to see every angle. 

Ok, enough comics.  Wait.....Garth Ennis & Darick Robertson.  A new ongoing monthly through Wildstorm Signature.  Garth says "This is the book that will out-PREACHER PREACHER."  Holy crap sweet baby jesus, I just shit my drawers.  With Planetary ending soon, I needed that news.  Shwew.  The Boys starts in August, so line up at your local shop boys and girls, and don't let this one go the way of the dinosaur, you know, being wiped out by a giant meteor before it's prime.

Sun Country wine coolers.  They came in 2-liters.  For some reason this makes me laugh.  But what I am really wondering is, How happy is Seagrams now that Mike's Hard Lemonade is the drink of choice for child predators?  If you are wondering what the hell I'm talking about I'm referencing one of the news shows hidden camera expose dealies called "To Catch a Predator"  It is highly entertaining and highly disturbing at the same time.  It basically lures and catches these creepy dipshits who are soliciting sex from underagers.  After the first one aired, I turned to my wife and said they could turn this into a weekly show, and lo and behold they practically did.  But I digress.  Even though the undercover 'teen' sometimes requested Mikes Hard Lemonade, when she would just say to bring alcohol, the weirdos would bring the Mike's.  Sometimes they would bring it without any alcohol being requested at all.  So back to my original question,  did the makers of Seagrams wine coolers do the happy dance when they saw these news specials?  I bet they were doing cartwheels screaming "halle-fucking-lujah".  They were almost off the hook some years ago when Zima came out, but that shit didn't quite catch on.  And even the sallyest of beers, Coors light, couldn't take the heat off of Seagrams.  Little known fact: Coors light is actually beer flavored water.  So be wary of the creepy old guy buying Mike's Hard Lemonade in bulk.

If you are like me and are compelled to try every new soda that comes along, I am going to warn you, something evil this way comes.  It is called Cheerwine.  It will bring you no cheer, and has nothing to do with wine.  I think it was supposed to taste like a cherry coke, but it failed miserably.  It tastes more like if someone painstakingly collected the sweat from Satan's balls and then mixed it with shoe polish for color, and chloroseptic for flavor.  Not as nasty but coming in at a close second is the new Dr. Pepper berries and cream.  If you think carbonated medicine is tasty then this one is for you.  I am not a big fan of all of the energy drinks either.  I have never felt energized by these things. Just look at all of the ingredients.  Pretty soon the label doesn't make sense.  Then when you reread it your like "wait a minute, they're makin' this shit up."  Just because you add ine to the end of a word doesn't make it an ingredient.  Like poopine.  Or turdine.  Now with a dash of pissasine.  They all have a kind of bile like taste to them.  New ingredient-freshly squeezed gall bladder.  Yummy.  I do enjoy the Vault soda.  But I do call into question it's ability to actually kick like an energy drink like the commercials claim.  It's a great mixer though.  One part vodka.  Three parts Vault.  And one part cranberry juice.  It's a little drink I like to call the Charles Kurault.  Enjoy.

LoL.  Seriously, is that an exceptable reply?  I have rarely laughed out loud while sitting at the computer.  I have chuckled on the inside.  Maybe a pleasant smile was brought on.  I remember years ago when I first started going online and saw lol.  I didn't know what the fuck it meant, so I asked.  Holy shit.  I might as well have been a caveman asking how to make fire.  I think I was in a chat room, so I caught a ton of flak from a bunch of people.  So I have no recourse but to retaliate by saying nasty shit, which ultimately got me booted.  And now there are so many abbreviations out there today that I have no idea what they fucking mean.  Most of these abbreviations were invented by people who were drunk, so they don't even know what they mean.  It's a keyboard people.  Not a stone tablet and a chisel.  You are not saving any time with these insane abbreviations.  You will not be laying on your deathbed going "Thank all that is holy for my excessive use of abbreviations, this extra one minute and forty-seven seconds was worth it."  So knock it the fuck off.  Or I will pyitt (punch you in the throat).  Causing you to start vomiting blood.  Which in turn caused me to pimmalb (puke in my mouth a little bit).  But when the paramedics ran up to save you they slipped in your blood and clunked their heads together coconut style.  Which made me lol so hard I pasmatst (piss and shit myself at the same time).  So next time you use some retarded abbreviation that only you yourself know, and someone asks what it means, just take the extra 2 point 8 seconds to explain it.  Or I can come and abbreviate you.

I am about to become a father shortly.  I'm not bragging.  I'm just stating a fact.  This is not a special occurance to anybody else but my wife, me and our close friends and family.  So when famous people have a kid, IT IS NOT A BIG FUCKING DEAL.  In fact regular people are having kids even as I type this.  So shows like Extra, The Insider, or Access Hollywood cram this shit down our throats, it makes me want to puke blood.  "Well just change the channel, Zac."  Fuck that.  I don't have cable, so I have many less options.  Plus nothing fuels my rage better than shitty celebrities.  So I just lock in and fume.  Here we go.  Lately the big deal on these shows have been celebrity births.  First is Britteny Spears.  I am suprised that her child is even still alive.  Seriously put the child in foster care and euthanize its parents.  Then Pitt and Jolie have their kid and these shows act like it's the second coming of Christ.  The really bizarre thing is that these shows go to red carpet events and instead of interviewing, they ask if they've heard yet the news that so-and-so is pregnent/just had a child.  What the fuck?  If I was on the red carpet and that annoying little turd Billy Bush asked me that, I would grab that son-of-a-fuck by the throat and say, "Who gives a shit? Get the fuck out of here.  You don't belong.  The only reason your here is because your related to that shit-weasel of a president.  One side note on that red carpet thing.  They stopped Lisa Rinna to ask her if she knew that Britteny was pregnant again.  Dudes, I swear to shit that I did not hear her mumbly answer due to the fact that her lips look ridiculous.  I was transfixed.  It looks like someone popped her one in the grill.  Or she was having an alergic reaction.  Remember those wax lips you bought when you were a kid.  Well there you go.  That's what it looked like.  I'm suprised Harry Hamlin hasn't been brought up on spousel abuse charges.  Now it is time for Senior Douchebag.  First off Tom Cruise, you can take your scientology and stick it up your ass.  I don't believe in cults because they don't believe in me.  Second of all, don't act all the concerned father telling the media "I wanna be with my wife and baby so much......but first I think I will travel the world to promote a shitty movie I made.  I wouldn't be surprised if studios started banning that midget lunetic from doing press.  Holy shit!!  Maria Shriver, you could star in the new Masters of the Universe movie as Skeletor.  And they would save a bundle of money because they wouldn't have to use special effects.  Sorry, I saw her on t.v. and her horrible visage caught me off guard.  Last but not least are these little Hollywood boutiqes that sell all this unbelievably overpriced shit.  Celebrities are not trend setters.  They are for the most part mindless sheep following dollar signs.  Sure, they make a lot more money so they can spend more.  I understand that.  But don't you dare tell me what I should buy in any facet of my life.  I'm not the dipshit buying stuff at 1500% mark-up.  Those of you destined for hell know who you, are so laugh it up while you can chumley.

 

 

I'm hoping not to be let down by Marvel's Civil War mini series.  After one issue it is looking pretty good.  But as with most of these mini series, you feel the fade after about the 5th issue.  The loose ends either get cheesily explained away, or leave more unanswered questions than what you began with.  Case in point, X-Men Deadly Genesis, where a super powered Phil Colins finds out that he is relat...Oh sorry, wrong Genesis.  No seriously, Deadly Genesis way fizzled at the end with another loser Summers brother, jetting off into space screaming "I'll get you if it's the last thing I ever do."  He should join forces with Superboy Prime and form the whiny bitches society.  I mean come on, even though House of M was just a rehashed Age of Apocalypse, at least it's ending had some  major consequences.  If you happened to wander into this blog by accident, and have read this far, you have realised that I am comic nerd.  Be that as it may I could probably beat you retarded, for your dragon style may be strong but crazy beats kung-fu hands down.  Back to the Minis.  You also have Annihilation going on, which is the same concept from Silver Sufer's The Herald Ordeal.  The 198 started off pretty cool then basically made Mercator a generic patsy.  He could have been a really cool long term character.  Plus by the end of 198, it felt more like a commercial for Civil War.  And since I'm talking about comic books here, X-Men 3.  Juggernaut is now a mutant.  What the fuck?  Psylocke is evil, and is basically used as cannon fodder.  Again, what the fuck?  Pheonix is just killing shit willy-nilly.  Say it with me, What The Fuck?  This stuff wouldn't bother me that much if I hadn't seen Ratner on Jimmy Kimmel.  But I did see it, and I determined that the guy is pretty much an ass clown.  I mean, who gives a shit about continuity when there's money to be made.